


The Worst Form of Torture

by SunTsu



Category: Creepy Pasta - Fandom
Genre: Comfort, Other, description of anxiety, jeff has eyelids XD, tw anxiety, tw description of panic, tw panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunTsu/pseuds/SunTsu
Summary: Jeff is haunted by the memories of his brother's murder.
Kudos: 16





	The Worst Form of Torture

**Author's Note:**

> So, the only reason I started writing this is because of a picture I saw, where Slenderman was carrying Jeff on his back. It looked really cute and my mind started spinning; "I want to write Slendy giving Jeff a piggyback ride!" And now it's finally finished!
> 
> Be aware though; this is pretty angsty with descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks. I've described them as I feel them myself so they might be triggering. 
> 
> Hope you like it and also, comments make me very happy ^_^

The Worst Form of Torture

During nights like these Jeff is grateful when he wakes up, finally being allowed to escape the dreamworld. The night's been awful and the morning doesn't seem too promising either. Restless butterflies swirl around in the pit of his stomach, making him anxious, and he's drowsy from lack of sleep. Nightmares have been keeping all rest far away lately. As he makes his way down the stairs he can hear his friends in the kitchen; they're already done with breakfast but unwilling to start the day's work quite yet. They tease him a bit for sleeping in but he just grunts in answer, he's far too stressed to take part in the friendly banter.

With a sandwich and a cup of coffee he takes his place by the table but the mere thought of eating is nauseating and the restless feeling is slowly escalating. From experience he knows anxiety isn't far away. Hunched over the table, eyes tightly shut, he's desperately trying to get his quick and shallow breath under control and force the unease to fade. His shoulders only grow more and more tense and he can practically feel the colour drain from his face. Behind his eyelids spots of crimson grow ever larger.

A voice startles him as it suddenly forces its way into his mind and he looks up right into Eyeless Jack's blue mask, his head tilted a little in curiosity. 

"Jeff? You okay?"

That's it. That's all it takes for the butterflies in Jeff's stomach to rage up a storm and suddenly there's only one word echoing in his mind; 

_Run._

So he does. He doesn't hear Jack's surprised "Hey!" nor does he notice that he bumps into Toby while rushing through the hall. He just moves; the instinctual urge to flee from danger completely taking over. Before he even realizes it he's outside and the gravel around the mansion crunches beneath his shoes as his body throws itself into a sprint toward the woods.

These woods are huge and dense, moss clings like beard to the branches and a thick layer of pine-needles covers the path, muffling the pounding of his feet. His heart is a jackhammer behind his ribs and the heavy air fills his lungs with every panting breath. It smells like rain. A slight wind cools his flushed face and dries the tears running down his cheeks. He trips and falls, but he's up again before he even notices the impact and the pain. 

Just move, just run. Just get away.

The sudden sharp pain of a branch whipping across his face cuts through the panic and makes him slow down. He's exhausted but the adrenaline still courses through his veins and urges him on and so he keeps going, walking and stumbling. After falling on his face a third time he finally stops and sinks down against a tree. His hands and arms burn, covered in ugly scrapes, and the knees on his jeans are torn, blood seeping into the fabric. He's a mess but his appearance is nothing compared to the churning chaos of his mind.

***

Well over an hour has passed since Jeff left the mansion and Toby is sitting on the stairs leading up to the large front door. His sharp eyes take in every detail as he stares at the trees further off, hoping to see some movement in the thick foliage. 

The door opens behind him and Eyeless Jack joins him on the stairs. "See him yet?"

"No. I'm worried."

"He hasn't been gone that long." Jack puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You didn't see him." Toby shakes his head, still startled by the look of pure fear on Jeff's face when they bumped into each other earlier. He pulls up his shoulders in a slight shiver, "It's going to rain."

Jack looks up at the gathering clouds. They're huge and pitch black; ready to let loose one of those violent summer rains.

"Hm. Alright, let's go look for him then."

"Really?"

The relief is so obvious in Toby's voice that he blushes a little, and even though he can't see it, he knows Jack is smiling. At seventeen years old Toby is the youngest of the family and always treated as the little brother. Sometimes it's extremely annoying but at other times, such as this, it makes him feel safe. And he's glad the decision has been taken from him; if Jeff doesn't want to be found Jack will be the one to face his anger. Jack nods reassuringly at him as they get up and Toby is very happy to have him there. 

"I'll go this way," Jack points toward the left side of the mansion. 

"Okay, I'll take right then." 

Toby stays close to the treeline, calling Jeff's name over and over. Unlike Jack he doesn't dare to go too deep into the woods. They're easy to get lost in and his sense of direction isn't very good. 

He really likes Jeff. He's just like an older brother; annoying, fun, a bit mean, and protective all in the same package. When Toby first arrived at the mansion he'd been a little anxious around both Jeff and Jack but after a few weeks he'd gotten to know them and now, together with Hoodie and Masky, they're the best friends he's ever had. Heck, they're the only friends he's ever had.

A slight rustle among the leaves interrupts his thoughts. Large cold drops fall from the clouds and after a few minutes it's pouring down. He rushes across the grass and takes shelter underneath the roof jutting out above the mansion's front door. Jack is already there and together they stare downhearted at the water quickly forming puddles on the gravel. In the distance there's a low deep rumble of thunder. Toby grits his teeth and is just about to head back out when a hand is placed on his shoulder, holding him back. 

"Go back inside, lunch is ready. I'll take care of this."

Slenderman's calm presence is comforting as always. He's the father figure they all need and, even though they never say so, they love him and trust him completely. Jack nods and leaves but Toby hesitates, watching the impossibly tall faceless man step out into the rain.

"Slendy... Jeff was terrified."

The man nods as if he'd been expecting that. 

After Toby has followed Jack inside, Slenderman turns toward the trees. These woods are like an extension of his mind; he knows everything that goes on in them and after a few minutes of concentration he's found Jeff.

***

Jeff is huddled up against the tree with his head in his hands. He's shaking; tense like a wire ready to snap. The rain soaks through his clothes and slicks his hair to his head but he doesn't even notice. His thoughts are running a mile a minute and turn unwillingly to the dreams of last night.

There's been a lot of nightmares through the years, bad dreams of bad memories, but lately they've escalated. That's nothing new; his dreams have always mirrored his health, turning bad when he's stressed. And as always the dreams turn to a certain memory. The murder of his brother. A sob works its way up Jeff's throat and his shoulders tense up. He grits his teeth and swallows, fighting to hold back the flood of emotions. 

The nightmares were generous this time, showing all too well everything he's trying to repress. The dark bedroom with just a sliver of light from the streetlamp outside. His brother sitting on the bed, eyes wide and face pale. A soft voice whispering; 

"It's alright Liu, just go to sleep..."

Just go to sleep. 

Jeff covers his mouth with his hands, bites his fingers, desperately trying to stop the thoughts, the pictures. The memories. His brother on his back, mouth open in a scream that never leaves his lips, his thighs between Jeff's as he's straddled, the rythmic stab stab stab, warm liquid splattering on his face, mixing with his tears. The overwhelming smell of blood.

Suddenly a fork of bright light flashes over head and a sharp thundercrack tears the sky apart. The dam in his mind bursts and it all rushes forth, drowning every rational thought. A thin, keening noise slips out between his painfully clenched teeth.

"Stop, stop, stop..."

He's up on his knees, the urge to run is back in full force but he's exhausted and falls forward on his hands, screaming until he retches. The taste of bile burns through his throat over and over and he pulls his hair, fists beating down on his head. 

_Just stop!_

Hands take hold of his wrists, keeping them still. He struggles but the grip is firm, refusing to let go. Long arms wrap around him and hold him tight.

"Shhh sh sh shhh... it's alright... it's alright..."

But it's not. It was never alright, not when it happened, not now, and it will never be alright. Nothing can erase it and that just brings more tears and more screams and Jeff's throat hurts. There's too much misery and too much agony trying to escape all at once and he feels like he's being torn apart. He beats his fists against Slenderman's chest and shoulders, shaking his head, screaming "It's not alright! It's not!" and the man just sits there and takes it. His arms never leave Jeff and his grip is strong and grounding, rocking slowly back and forth.

This is bad. Slender had been expecting some kind of reaction but not like this. Jeff is a mess; his clothes are torn and his arms are covered in scrapes and bruises. The rain washes the blood away but the sight of the torn flesh has Slender wincing. The kid is still shaking and so he holds and whispers and strokes his back. That's really all he can do right now.

In the end the soft voice manages to lull the hysteria and the wailing fades into quiet sobs and sniffles.

"What happened?"

"I don't know..." Jeff's voice is thick and hoarse.

"They told me you rushed out of the mansion after breakfast?"

He nods and looks away. "I've had nightmares. Bad ones."

"About?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

It would probably be helpful to talk, but Slender decides not to force the issue. That conversation can wait until later and what Jeff needs right now is comfort.

"This is so stupid. I shouldn't be bawling like a baby because of some bad dreams... I'm twentyone for fuck's sake..." 

Slenderman shakes his head. "Breakdowns can be caused by many things, some big, some small. But no matter what causes them, they're never stupid. And something this severe should always be taken seriously."

There's a faint rumble in the distance; the thunder has passed and the rain is letting up. Slender himself is mostly dry, only his suit is a little damp. For some reason the weather doesn't affect him, but Jeff is soaked to the skin.

"Let's get you home." 

He stands and reaches out a hand to help Jeff up, but the sprint and the outburst have taken their toll and Jeff can barely walk. However, when Slender bends down to pick him up he shakes his head and makes a sound probably meant to be a scoff.

"You're not carrying me bridal style! It's bad enough that you have to come get me like a little kid."

"If you say so." Slender shrugs and gets down on one knee to help Jeff up on his back. "Better?"

Jeff mutters something about kids and piggyback rides but the truth is, it doesn't feel that bad. For once Jeff can allow himself to be weak, to be dependent on someone else. It's been years. The slight rocking as Slenderman walks is relaxing; warmth and care radiates from the man. Tears run down Jeff's cheeks again but right now he doesn't care. The rain washes them away anyway.

***

Hoodie exhales the smoke in a small whispy cloud and hands the cigarette over to Masky. The rain patters on the roof above but the torrent has given way to a calming drizzle. They're standing on the second floor balcony enjoying the cool air and each other's company. Their voices are hushed and worried.

"It's a little scary, isn't it?" Masky looks down toward the trees where Slenderman just emerges carrying Jeff on his back. Jeff is just hanging over his shoulders, like a ragdoll.

"When the ones you think are the strongest suddenly give in."

"Mm. I never thought I'd see him like that."

"That's what I mean. When the mighty fall, they fall hard." 

Hoodie nods and they fall silent, watching Slender hurry across the grass and gravel, up to the front door.

***

The tiles of the bathroom floor are cold against Jeff's bare feet as he kicks off his shoes. He's absolutely drenched and a thin trail of water goes all the way from the bathroom to the front door. He's immensly relieved to find he can actually stand on his own legs when Slender puts him down; it would've been too embarrassing if, after all that, he'd just sunk to the floor in a heap.

The sharp light reveals a lot more than Jeff would've wished though. His reflection in the mirror looks like it's been through hell and back. That wouldn't be very far from the truth; after all, he's just payed a visit to his own purgatory.

"Will you be alright by yourself?"

Slender's voice is concerned but Jeff just nods and gestures for him to leave.

Alone, he starts to examine his wounds. There's a throbbing ache in his right wrist and when he twists his hand a sharp spike shoots up his arm all the way to the shoulder. Great. It doesn't seem broken though, probably a sprain.

The wet jeans are hard to pull off with only one hand and the rough fabric scrathes against his knees, but he does his best and after a few painful minutes he throws them on the floor. His knees look like they've been worked over with sand paper and despite the rain there's still a lot of dirt clinging to the torn skin. His arms and hands aren't much better. He's surprised there's even any skin left. He's shivering all over and a hot shower sounds really good. He just wants to get warm, put on some dry clothes and then just... what? Sleep? Disappear? He's not sure.

Jeff is pulling off his t-shirt when the door opens and Eyeless Jack walks in with a bundle of clothes in his arms. For once he's without his mask and Jeff is studied critically by the empty eyesockets.

"Do you mind?" There's no real sharpness in Jeff's voice, only exhaustion.

"Not at all."

Jack throws the clothes on the hamper and points at the toilet. "Sit." Then he rummages around in the cupboard and retrieves the first aid kit.

"I just want to have a shower..." 

"Well, if you'd rather scrub those scratches clean with the sponge I'm not gonna stop you."

Fair point. Jeff sighs and sits down; the cotton swab seems a lot more gentle than the alternative. Jack kneels in front of him and gets to work. He may sound gruff but his touch is soft as he slowly wipes the wounds clean. They start to bleed again and Jeff's breath is a hiss of pain between his clenched teeth.

"Toby's worried about you."

"Just tell him I'm okay."

"Are you?"

Jeff hesitates, "...No."

Jack stands to take a look at the gash on Jeff's face. He touches it in a gentle caress; his way of telling Jeff that he was worried too. For a few seconds Jeff leans in against the touch and his eyes seek Jack's, a grateful glint in them.

After about half an hour Jack is finally satisfied.

"Alright, get in the shower. Knock on the door when you're done, I'm gonna patch you up." He nods at the first aid kit while he exits the room.

The shower is barely warm and yet the water burns against his sore skin, forcing whimpers of pain from Jeff's lips. The sensation dulls after a little while, but it's replaced by a deep painful throbbing. He hates everything.

Eyeing the sponge as if it was a medieval torture device he decides to soap himself up using his hands. He spreads the suds as gently as he can across arms and legs but it still stings like hell. 

Ten minutes, that's as long as he can stand the warm water; any longer than that would be torture. After carefully patting himself dry with the towel he looks through the pile of clothes Jack brought and finds a clean pair of underwear, the other items being the soft pants and t-shirt he sleeps in.

Jack enters the room immediately after Jeff's knock, as if he'd been waiting right outside the door, and that causes a warm feeling of safety and being cared for to settle in Jeff's stomach.

"Alright," Jack says, opening the med kit again to pick up rolls of gauze and tape, "time to turn you into a mummy."

Afterwards Jeff realizes Jack wasn't joking; he certainly feels like a mummy with all the gauze wrapped around arms and legs, including the firm bandage around his wrist. It is indeed sprained, as he suspected.

Slender is waiting outside the bathroom for them. Jeff passes him on his way to the stairs, intending to lock himself up in his room, when a long arm snags him by the collar and turns him around. Two hands are placed on his shoulders in a firm grip and although he can't see any eyes he can still feel the scrutinizing gaze bore into him.

"You're coming with me."

There's no arguing with that tone, besides, Jeff's too exhausted to argue anyway, and he lets Slender march off with him toward his bedroom without protests. 

***

Jeff thinks he should feel stupid. He thinks he ought to be ashamed for crying. He thinks he's too old to be held like this, against Slender's chest with his arm securely around his shoulders, but... It feels good, to lie in someone else's bed and be comforted, as if he was a kid again. Long fingers comb gently through his hair. Normally he doesn't like having his hair touched but right now, it's kind of okay.

"This'll be really embarrassing later," Jeff mutters, his voice muffled against Slender's chest.

"What about now? Is it embarrassing now?"

"No..."

"Then leave the future to the future."

Jeff sighs and yawns, the fingers running through his hair is lulling, just like the rise and fall of Slender's chest with every calm breath. 

"You're exhausted. Go to sleep."

"That's my line," Jeff mumbles and snuggles closer, pretending he doesn't hear the soft chuckle above his head. Sleep sounds pretty good right now.

Slender's thoughts wander while he runs his fingers through Jeff's hair. It looks a bit shaggy but is surprisingly soft, much like Jeff himself. He's cocky and a loudmouth, dangerous like few; but at the same time he's caring and very protective of the family. He's also the kind of person that bites back or jokes when asked how he feels, so this is very rare. To not only see this side of Jeff, but also be allowed to hold and comfort him.

About an hour passes and Slender is dozing off when Jeff starts to move around restlessly. He tightens his grip around him when Jeff mumbles something. Liu's name. So that's what it was. He'd had a feeling that it was memories plaguing Jeff and this particular one is very painful for him. He looks down and pulls Jeff a little closer.

Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture.


End file.
